Friday, April 16, 2010

The Flat Stanley Project

No, this is not the name of a new band.  A few weeks ago my sister asked if I would assist with a project for my nephew, Matthew.  His class had just finished reading a book called Flat Stanley.  The premise of the book is that Stanley Lambchop is a normal kid, but his father purchases him a bulletin board which falls on him and flattens him.  Despite being flattened, the kid is fine and goes on adventures, solves crimes, etc....  It is painfully obvious that this book was published in 1964.  Anyway, everyone in the class made a Flat Stanley out of paper and mailed it (him, if you want to personify a piece of laminated paper) to a friend or relative.  I was the obvious recipient of my nephew's Flat Stanley since I live on a farm, oh yea, and I'm awesome.

So, I get Flat Stanley in the mail.  I'm supposed to keep a journal for him and track our adventures together.  I figure the easiest thing to do is make a blog for him.  Unfortunately, I have trouble writing for 2nd graders.  Thus, it seems that I will have to censor my work and publish the original product here.  Enjoy.


Allow me to introduce myself, I'm Flat Stanley. I was made by my good friend, Matthew, as part of a school project for Ms. Mowery's 2nd grade class at Northfield Elementary School. Here is Matthew:

He's a smart kid and he's really good at sports.
I'm called "Flat" Stanley because I was flattened when a bulletin board fell on me. Despite some apparent damage to my skeletal structure, Dr. Dan said I was in fine health.  [Dr. Dan, someone from the Physicians Quality Assurance Board is here to see you.]  That was great because it meant nobody had to call Child Protective Services.

One of the neat things about being flat is that I can travel to visit friends and relatives simply by mailing myself in an envelope. Traveling by the U.S. Postal Service is great because it is cheap, I don't get charged for carry-on luggage, and I don't get subjected to searches and full-body scans. I don't even need to take off my shoes.

Matthew decided that it would be a lot of fun for me to visit his Uncle Paul because he lives on a farm. Matthew's mom was a little concerned because Uncle Paul does not always act "age appropriate" and "likes to work blue." I don't know what that means exactly, but I promised to properly censor my journal... despite my obvious First Amendment rights.

I'm really looking forward to learning about farm life.


Obviously this is both very entertaining and totally educational.  Still, my sister was all like "you can't write about Child Protective Services... blah, blah, blaaaaaah."  My point is, kids gotta learn.  Regardless, I have made the Flat Stanley blog pretty lame so I will publish the fun versions here.

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